When German Stops Feeling Natural: A Conversation on Language Guidance for International Families
For families raising children across countries and languages, keeping German alive can look straightforward on paper: find a teacher, pick a method, schedule the lessons. In practice, many parents discover that a child who understands German perfectly well may gradually stop speaking it. That gap between comprehension and use is where Lingua Privata positions its work — not as conventional tuition, but as a private German language guidance service built around individual, ongoing support.
We spoke with founder Jens Mähl about what he has observed in his professional experience as a German mother tongue teacher in Sweden, and what he believes families should consider before arranging German for themselves or their children abroad.
When the usual advice stops working
Asked when a family had come to him after standard advice for maintaining German abroad had run its course, Mähl described a pattern rather than a single case. Over time, he said, it becomes apparent that "maintaining a language is rarely a question of vocabulary or grammar alone." A child may understand German well yet become less inclined to speak it, as friendships, education and everyday life increasingly happen in another language.
His reading of the situation is not that the child lacks ability or the family lacks commitment. More often, "the language has simply ceased to feel like a natural part of the child's world." That reframing matters: it shifts the question from how much instruction is needed to how German can remain connected to a child's relationships, interests and sense of belonging. Rather than treating German as another subject to be studied, he argues, it should be experienced as a living language.
What the standard pages leave out
Much of the information available to families, Mähl noted, concentrates on methods, qualifications, lesson formats and measurable progress. These have their place, but "they rarely tell the whole story." Internationally connected families often lead lives shaped by several countries, languages and cultural expectations, and their linguistic needs do not divide neatly into educational, personal and professional categories.
For a child, German may be the language of grandparents, family history or a country visited only occasionally. For a parent, it may be the language of social relationships, professional encounters or a new chapter of family life. What tends to be overlooked, in his view, is "the importance of continuity, discretion and a genuine understanding of the individual circumstances behind the wish to learn or maintain a language."
This is the starting point he describes for Lingua Privata: language guidance should find its place within a person's life, rather than requiring that life to conform to a predetermined programme. Readers exploring general background on bilingual upbringing may find resources such as the linguistic development guidance from the European Commission useful context, though the emphasis here is on the individual case rather than a universal method.
The decision families make too quickly
Families understandably begin by looking for a suitable teacher, a convenient timetable or a particular method. Yet, Mähl suggested, the more fundamental question is sometimes left unanswered: "what role should German actually play in their lives?"
He offered three distinct priorities a family might hold. For one, the aim may be maintaining a child's confidence in speaking with relatives. For another, it may be preparing for a move to a German-speaking country. Others may wish to develop the linguistic confidence needed to participate naturally in professional or social settings. When these distinctions are not considered carefully, "even well-organised instruction can become disconnected from the situations in which the language is genuinely needed."
The practical takeaway is a question families can ask before comparing teachers or platforms: what kind of relationship with German do we actually want to build? Mähl put it directly: "the most valuable decision is therefore not simply whom to engage, but what kind of relationship with the language one wishes to develop."
Continuity over programmes
His conclusion is that meaningful progress is rarely the result of a standardised programme alone. It grows, he said, "through continuity, personal attention and an approach that respects the individual." That conviction, he noted, is at the heart of Lingua Privata — a service he describes as working by private arrangement only, with each engagement developed around the client's objectives, schedule and circumstances.
For families weighing their options, the interview points to a quieter but more durable set of criteria than lesson counts or method labels: whether the arrangement can adapt as circumstances change, whether it treats the language as part of daily life rather than a separate subject, and whether it begins with the family's actual situation. Those considering a more structured route may also look at the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages for a shared vocabulary of proficiency levels, but as Mähl's reflections suggest, levels describe ability — not belonging.