A Conversation About What Surrogacy Really Involves
For women exploring gestational surrogacy, the gap between what they find online and what the process actually demands can be wide. Julia Wasechek, Director of Valley Surrogacy Consulting, has been through a surrogacy journey herself and now helps other women understand what they are signing up for before they commit. In this interview, she walks through the eligibility factors that rarely make the checklist, the emotional questions that come up again and again, and the two decisions women tend to make too quickly.
Eligibility Is More Than Being Healthy
When a woman asks whether she qualifies to become a surrogate, Wasechek said the conversation starts with motivation and expectations, then moves into layers of screening that go well beyond general health.
She said "There's much more to qualification than simply being healthy or having had a baby before. Agencies consider general health, pregnancy and delivery history, psychological readiness, and medical factors that may affect the ability to proceed to an embryo transfer."
The preliminary assessment she runs looks at height, weight, medical and pregnancy history, whether a woman has previously delivered a child, and practical considerations like reliable transportation. The goal, she said, is to help women understand where they stand before investing significant time in a formal screening process.
"It's not about promising someone she qualifies; it's about helping her understand whether moving forward makes sense and what questions may need further evaluation."
For readers comparing options, the FDA's page on human cells and tissue donation offers background on the regulatory side of third-party reproduction, while the CDC's assisted reproductive technology reports provide national data on outcomes.
The Emotional Side and the Timeline
One of the most common questions in early conversations, Wasechek said, is about the emotional experience of handing the baby to the intended parents.
"Even when a woman understands that she's carrying a baby for someone else, she may still wonder what that moment will feel like and how she'll process it emotionally. There's a difference between understanding something intellectually and experiencing it in real life."
She said those feelings deserve to be discussed openly, without assumptions about how every surrogate will feel.
The other surprise is time. Wasechek said her own first journey took over a year and a half from the initial process to embryo transfer, followed by the pregnancy itself. She noted that waiting periods, medical appointments, legal steps, and unexpected delays are part of the reality, and that each journey is different.
"For me, it was completely worth it. But I think women deserve to understand the emotional and practical realities upfront, not just the exciting parts."
Two Decisions Women Make Too Quickly
Wasechek identified two patterns she sees before women have talked to anyone.
The first is dismissing surrogacy before exploring it. "Sometimes women write it off simply because they're unsure, nervous, or don't fully understand what the experience involves. You don't have to commit to something just to learn more about it."
The second is entering the process without realizing how much self-advocacy is available. "You're not just signing up to be told what to do. You can ask questions, express your needs, and speak up about what would help you feel supported throughout the journey." She listed understanding compensation, discussing medication concerns with a medical team, and asking about support services or benefits such as prenatal massage as examples.
"I learned that advocating for myself matters. You can be committed to helping another family while still recognizing that your health, comfort, and needs matter, too."
Her advice is to ask questions before committing: what is included, what support is available, what can be requested, and who will be in your corner. Resources like the American Society for Reproductive Medicine publish patient-facing guidance on fertility and third-party reproduction that can help women prepare those questions.
Why the Consultancy Exists
Wasechek said her own experience as a surrogate shaped the practice she now runs. "Having been a surrogate myself, I know how many questions come up and how overwhelming it can feel to navigate the process without knowing where to start."
She described the goal as creating a place where women can have honest conversations, understand what surrogacy involves, learn what to ask, and connect with an agency that fits them and their families.
"This isn't just about finding an agency or helping another family grow. It's about making sure the woman considering surrogacy feels informed, supported, and confident in her decision, too. My goal is to help women find the right path for them—not just a path into surrogacy."
Practical Takeaways
- Eligibility screening covers medical history, pregnancy and delivery history, psychological readiness, and practical logistics, not just general health.
- The emotional experience of handing the baby to the intended parents is a legitimate topic to discuss before committing.
- Timelines can run well over a year before embryo transfer, with delays along the way.
- Women can advocate for themselves on compensation, medication concerns, and support services.
- Asking questions before committing is the single most repeated piece of advice from this conversation.