Divorce mediation is often described as a more amicable path than litigation, but its success hinges on preparation. Amy Tourte, founder of Alette, a private divorce preparation platform, argues that most people walk into mediation with a vague sense of their situation rather than a documented plan. In this interview, she explains what separates a productive first session from one spent on data collection.
The Most Common Mistake: A General Sense, Not a Documented Position
Tourte sees the same error repeatedly: "The most common mistake is arriving with a general sense of the situation rather than a documented position." People know roughly what their house is worth or what their retirement account holds, but that is rarely enough. She notes that "a typical divorce spans five to seven major decision domains with well over twenty line-item decisions once any of them is unpacked." Without a structured inventory, couples risk spending their first session—and their money—on basic fact-finding instead of negotiation.
How Far in Advance Should You Start?
The timeline, Tourte says, depends on complexity, not a fixed calendar. "For straightforward cases, practitioners describe a document-gathering and issue-sorting window of one to three weeks." But when children, contested assets, or unfamiliarity with court procedures are involved, "that window commonly extends to one to three months." Her advice: start early enough to work through the financial picture and decision inventory without pressure. Alette is designed for this period, offering a structured way to prepare on your own schedule.
Documents to Gather Before Mediation
Preparation spans legal, financial, and custodial domains. Legally, you need the marriage certificate and any prior court orders. Financially, gather account statements, property titles, income records, debt documentation, insurance policies, and tax returns. If children are involved, add school and medical records plus any existing parenting arrangements. Tourte emphasizes that specificity matters: "the specificity matters beyond category names." She cites a University of Denver study finding that in 72% of U.S. divorce cases, at least one party has no legal representation, meaning the organizational burden falls on the individual. Alette helps surface what’s missing so you arrive with a complete picture.
Helping Couples Who Aren’t on Good Terms
Alette uses separate accounts with an optional shared case file, so neither party needs to coordinate timing or agree on approach. Tourte points to research on conflict asymmetry in mediation: "When preparation is uneven between parties, the less-prepared person experiences the process as imbalanced and tends to perceive bias toward the other side." By giving both parties the same factual structure, Alette addresses that asymmetry before a professional is involved. "Alette is organized around the decisions divorce requires, not the relationship between the parties."
The Difference Between Prepared and Unprepared
The biggest difference, Tourte says, is whether the mediator can start substantive work immediately. "The difference is whether the professional can begin substantive work in the first session or spend it on data gathering." In a process charged by the session and measured in months, that distinction affects time, money, and emotional energy. She cites research on settlement durability showing that structured information input during preparation predicts durable agreements, and that parties who actively participate in surfacing information report higher satisfaction. "That is the work Alette is built for."
For anyone facing mediation, the takeaway is clear: preparation is not just helpful—it’s transformative. Whether you use a platform like Alette or a simple checklist, the goal is to walk in with decisions mapped, documents organized, and a clear picture of what you want. As Tourte puts it, preparation changes everything.